


You Can't Do The Bone Man

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Reader-Insert, Smut, haha this sounds like my coming out story, i actually have no idea how to write smut and just made this for the lols, i'm not joking when i say this is really short, male reader - Freeform, sans is kind of a jerk, this is really short, yep you hit the bone-zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 14:26:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10220255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: But you don't know that yet





	

**Author's Note:**

> help me
> 
> OKAY SO THIS IS MY FIRST AND PROBS ONLY ACTUAL SMUT FIC  
> I HATE WRITING SMUT  
> I DON'T LIKE TO DO THE SMUT  
> AUTHOR IS SMOL ACE BEAN  
> AUTHOR ALSO DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE A DICK  
> THIS IS GONNA BE TERRIBLY INAcCRUATE  
> BUT COME ON  
> [YOU CAN'T FUCK A SKELETON](http://youcantfuckaskeleton.tumblr.com/post/135192293106/i-hate-eceveruthingnn-em-nobody-cab)
> 
> ((yeah male reader 'cause i felt like it))  
> ((also sorry it's REALLY short lmao))
> 
> update: fuck this is gonna haunt me the rest of my life someone i actually KNOW just found my ao3

"Never have I ever had sex." Your boyfriend was the only other person in the circle who didn't take a shot. He glanced away, face blue, from your raised eyebrows just in time to miss your devious smile. The blushing skeleton before you had played right into your hands. Time to wait for the perfect opportunity to...

Damn, he was a fine little cutie when flustered. He tried to stutter an excuse before throwing his hands up in surrender. "fine. you want the bone zone so bad? let's go where nobody can follow." A hand clutched at your wrist and the two of you were suddenly in the mess he called his bedroom. You stumbled from the dizziness teleportation always inflicted on you.

"Fuck, you know how disorienting that is, babe," you muttered, half-falling onto the edge of the bed. He just flopped down, waiting for you to regain your bearings. Sans was honestly a good boyfriend, but sometimes he was a dick to people. You were no exception.

"you ready?" he asked when you turned to him.

"I've been ready for months," you chuckled.

"that's debatable," he muttered.

The way he handled you made it feel like he was a professional. He knew exactly where to touch to make you want him more and more. It couldn't have been more than a minute and you were already almost ready. "S-Sans..."

He chuckled. "already? wow, you don't hold out long, do you?" He started stripping you piece by piece. Fuck, he went so  _slow,_ you just wanted to grab him and aaaaaaahhhhhh. There went any hope of another coherent thought as he finally got through your clothes to your dick, slowly caressing it like he would break it if he went any faster.

"T-Take me..." you whine, bucking against his hand. Another chuckle preceded the removal of his hoodie. You could barely process the fact that he was at least somewhat ambidextrous, smoothly switching hands to slip the other arm out. Why was he so _good?_ Wasn't this his first time, too?

As if reading your mind, he smiled, tantalizingly resting his hand on his shorts. "you sure you're ready?" Your whimper only made his grin more sadistic. Slowly, slowly, he lowered his pants, revealing...

A pelvis. A literal pelvis. Like what the fuck. There's supposed to be a glowing blue jelly dick or some shit there. All the Sans x Reader fanfiction in the world couldn't prepare you for this.

"didn't anyone tell you? you can't fuck a skeleton." The dirty fucker... Er, non-fucker...

At least he let you finish. You'd have probably been mad if you could form a coherent thought.

**Author's Note:**

> [YOU CAN'T FUCK A SKELETON](http://youcantfuckaskeleton.tumblr.com/post/135192293106/i-hate-eceveruthingnn-em-nobody-cab)
> 
>  
> 
> im done bye have a nice life just gonna *crawls in hole* XD


End file.
